


It's the small things.

by Multifandomness_101



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, basically word vomit, ranting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 21:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18949183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandomness_101/pseuds/Multifandomness_101





	1. Chapter 1

It’s the small things.

Nearly failing a test I thought I’d ace.

Being ignored in the hallway by people whom I thought to be friends.

Classmates talking about me like I’m not in the room.

Teachers piling another assignment on. The pile has gotten big recently. I'm working on it. But not fast enough.

My parents using the word “finally” when talking about me doing something they want.

Having my mental state being taken seriously when it counts.

Losing trust in someone I care about and look up to.

Becoming afraid to be utterly myself openly around someone I used to trust.

My parents talking about my future like having a wife/girlfriend isn't an option.

Failing my parents’ expectations.

Having to push my friends away so I don’t lose them when my battery is running low.

Embarrassing myself.

Catching feelings too easily and holding them for too long. My hands are always cut.

Not knowing what to do with my life.

Wishing I was more outgoing.

Realizing how homophobic this goddamn world is.

The quiet thoughts that prod lightly that I hope are wrong but I know they are right.

 

You’re useless

 

Irrational 

 

Unlovable

 

Insufficient

 

Untalented

 

Stupid

 

Weak

 

Annoying

 

Too quiet

 

Boring

 

Pathetic

 

 

It’s the small things that make me want to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s the small things.

 

Cuddling my cat in the morning when she stayed the whole morning.

Finding the perfect music to suit my mood and making specific playlists for them.

Watching cute videos.

Making music.

Driving while watching the sunrise at eight in the morning.

-30 sunsets.

Snowstorms on Halloween.

Watching the wind through the canola fields.

Realizing my french has gotten better.

Reading Shakespeare.

Caramel iced capps.

Stargazing on the roof with hot chocolate.

Campfires.

Feeling drunk in freedom.

The relief of finishing an essay.

Putting my thoughts into words.

Empathizing with my friends.

Learning new things and practicing new skills.

Seeing my friends.

Learning something new each day.

Cooking every other day.

Seeing my dog run to meet me at the driveway.

Listening to the rain/thunderstorms.

Taking pictures of the valley.

Immortalizing memories.

Taking funny polaroids of my sister.

Seeing my sister.

Laughing with my sister.

Bonding over Voltron and video games.

Snapping my sister funny/cute filters.

Fiddling with my rings.

Leaving the house on time.

Feeling comfortable with my looks.

Helping people.

Taking care of my plants.

Taking care of my family.

Finding other people like me who have shared experiences.

Making a full sound in the middle of a band.

Daydreaming of playing in a large ensemble.

Realizing I’m safe with the people I love.

Finding one more safe place.

Making new friends.

Taking care of my pets.

Finally being able to function properly.

Getting shit done.

Realizing that next year I can get out of this town and have a place of my own.

Realizing that the world has some damn good opportunities to offer me.

Remembering that someday I will wake up and look forward to work.

Observing the people I look up to do what they love.

Making sure the people I care about are taking care of themselves.

Buying gifts for my friends, and for myself.

Realizing that the world is always changing, and I get to decide how I change my little corner.

 

 

It’s the small things that remind me that I have reasons to stay.


End file.
